02-04-2014:
Kim Kardashian, the global spokesperson for shopping and
mouth-breathing, has made her first and hopefully her last foray into
commentary on global geopolitics, noting that something that hasn’t
actually happened is, like, really bad, yeah, and people on Twitter
should rise up to, y’know, go shopping about it.
Reacting to a Fox News report
that baby-eating Muslamic Ayrabs are, like, doing really really bad
things like massacres and poorly finished pedicures to Armenian
Christians in Kasab in Syriastan which Fox places somewhere on its
studio map of ‘Outside-the-USA- Where –Dragons-Live’ , Kim immediately
broke off from contemplating her latest 3,000 selfies taken in the
previous half hour to demand that her baby son, the family’s only
literate member, compose a Tweet on her behalf expressing her outrage.
In
the message the world-renowned shopper said that she was, like, really
upset and might publish pictures of herself looking saddened in a
fabulous new shimmering emerald green backless evening gown by Missoni
in protest at the massacres in Kasab that are like totally happening,
yeah, coz her sister Khloe saw it reported on Fox too. She urged her
followers to #SaveKessab,
prompting them to ask one another if Kasab is closer to Chanel or
Tiffany’s on Rodeo Drive and demand to know why nobody had mentioned
this designer previously.
On being informed that she was, in
fact, talking her customary uninformed dross from an equally infinitely
ignorant source and that no such massacres or abuse of Armenian
Christians have taken place in Kasab or elsewhere, Kim paused, changing
outfits only four times in ten minutes and taking fewer than five dozen
pictures of herself, before announcing that truth is, like, totally
boring and nothing to do with shopping.
A (satirical) post by Ruth Riegler, a Scottish activist and founding member of Radio Free Syria.
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